2007-08-17 06:07:31 by SupraZerg

I think, you RuneScape Players, may recognize some names from here, but If I shall ever publish this, would change them for other so that I don't have to pay Copyright.
Here it goes!!:

Introduction : The Gathering

As the galloping noise of a horse approached the dark town of drakensberg, the windows of the houses, inns, barracks... closed. All but one stepped into the houses and locked the doors, full of fear.
He, innocent was the new Guardian of the Door, and welcomed the journeyman when he reached the town.
After looking at him carefully with his only eye, he asked with strong voice:

-Who are you, and what makes you come to the town of Drakenseberg!?

-You can call me Vannaka, and I only want to go accross this city. My destiny is Taverley.

The Guardian looked suspicios, and moved the pickaxe he used as weapon, but finally nodded.

-All right! You shall pass this door, but now it's very late, maybe you want to sleep here.

-Everything is closed.- Vannaka stated

-The people are fearful, a Dark Knight threatens us.

Vannaka looked surprised and lifted one of his thick, black eyebrows

-A Black Knight?

-Yes, a black knight... D' you know him?- The Guardian said after seeing Vannaka's astoundment.

-He is famous in certaing regions of Al-Dhuras. I come from there, and have done a great journey.- Vannaka's voice seemed tired, and he was tilted forward upon his horsechair. His face was not see-able due to the darkness, and the only thing was the red glow of his eyes.

-Sorry, you may enter, and sleep at the inn.- The Guardian opened the Horse's door.

Vannaka looked at it while is was being opened, and saw it was old and shitty. He thought It should be changed, as if the Black Knight attacked them, It would be easy for he and his creatures to enter the town. But said nothing to the Guardian, and that was a great error.

Vannaka's dark war horse followed The Guardian into the stables, and then Vannaka jumped down.

-Where is the inn?- Vannaka asked impatiently

The Guardian was near a wooden door that seemed solid. The walls of the inn where of rocks put one over another with clay. those walls were norally very fragile. A chimney stood over the tiles that formed the ceiling, putting smoke into the atmosphere.

-Here,- The Guardian opened the door and let Vannaka pass- you may enter.

The first thing Vannaka saw was loads of wood, tables, chairs, the walls were with wood over them, where the drinks were served was of wood and bronze, and all of these things were incredibly shitty, full of dust. The the innkeeper appeared. fat, and without hair. His face was of a man just out of the sleep, and that had been woken up by a bang. He was a bit f***ed up, and with a voice that seemed from the abyssal hell said, or nearly shouted

-What the hell you want!!? -The Guardian looked at him as he was from the same place as his voice.

-He's new here, treat him well- he told him- I'm Dezzick- He told Vannaka now.

-All right- Vannaka was slightly furious with the taverner- put me a roasted beef and the room key.- now to Dezzick- Nice to meet you.

-I must go to the door now.

Vannaka stayed in the dining room sweating. The fire lighted up the whole room from the chimney. He noticed four fat men sitting on a table drinking a special drink made in Taverley, very strong. They seemed drunk, as two of the were sleeping, their heads on the table. The other two talked whispering, as if they thought the Black Knight could go in every moment.

Then the host brought a semi-burnt beef, that had been put a bit too much time in the fire.
He asked for a beer too. On these times there were no forks, or knives, as you had to eat with the hands. Vannaka damned the innkeeper and the beef several times, as the beef was hot and not too good-flavoured and the innkeeper idiot.
But as everything comes, in the end he finished it, and decided to go with Dezzick. So he stuffed in his pocket the small brass key and went out to the dark streets. The walls were all of wood but the inn's, and those of wood seemed better and more resistant. The wood was however with holes and in some places burnt.
Finally saw the shadow of the door, and in the top a man that seemed to be shouting.


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2007-08-17 18:04:57

hi, i am a member of the writers club. unfortunately, i got banned from the BBS for a week as gunground said, so i will just post comments here:

over all, i liked the story. i think you may want to change "see-able" to "visible" and fix a few other grammar errors along the way. also i would advise using spell check to fix some other errors i saw. other than that, nice story. it was nice and smooth and sounded great. (:

SupraZerg responds:

indeed, its noticeable my first language is not english, huh?
but thanks for that... constructive critic.